so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
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Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
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I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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