when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
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He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
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I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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