he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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