drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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