Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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