bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am midnight drunk by noon
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
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There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
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I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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