smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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