I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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