The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize