i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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