So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
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her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
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98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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