Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize