This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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