Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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