So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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