hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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