Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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