my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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