I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize