I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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