i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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