Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
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He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
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I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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