I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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