My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
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Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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