Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
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Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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