my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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