I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
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I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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