I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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