my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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