I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
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I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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