just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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