just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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