I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize