put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
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My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
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I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize