He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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