My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize