using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
only you would photoshop your dick
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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