your parents love me but you hate me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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