RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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