hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
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Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
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smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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