I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize