You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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