we have pet lesbian snakes
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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