I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
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Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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