I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize