the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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