please come you make the beer taste better
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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