i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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