i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize