Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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